Feeling lost in your 20s

How I changed my life without any clue of what I was doing.

“How do I dump my girlfriend?”

“I hate my job, but how can I change that?”

“How can I change my life?”

You simply make the change.

For certain things, there is no such thing as “the perfect moment” or the fleeting instant to seize where everything will surely go right. You will never feel completely ready, and that’s okay. What you need to do is close your eyes, grit your teeth, and take the leap anyway. Do it scared, do it terrified, do it uncertain – just do it. Just jump.

Today is a great day.

After stuffing myself with the leftovers from the New Year’s Eve dinner, I grabbed my headphones, put on my shoes, and headed out the door.

I’m in Cais do Sodré, in the heart of Lisbon. The streets smell of grilled fish, the wind pinches my cheeks and brushes through my hair, and the sun shines brightly, warming my soul. It hardly feels like winter.

Walking these streets again, my hands tingle, and I don’t walk – I float lightly. All the experiences I’ve lived, the bad ones and especially the good ones, resurface in my mind, bringing me to where I am today. Perhaps the feeling I’m experiencing is pride.

I decided to move to Lisbon without any real reason. I hadn’t found a job, nor a permanent place to stay. But it “inspired me.” And that day, January 7, 2024, I simply decided to follow my instinct, my heart, which was shouting LISBON. So I packed my suitcase and backpack, boarded a plane from Milan, and landed here.

2023 had been a rather complicated year for me. The death of my grandfather, the chaos at home, and family stress. But when I saw the Cristo Rei illuminated through the airplane window, I promised myself that as soon as I stepped out of that airport, I would become the best version of myself. Because here is where I was meant to be. And that’s exactly what I did.

I ordered an Uber to reach the low-cost hostel I had booked at the last minute for a three-week stay. A bunk bed shared in a large room with five other people. The fear was there, but I didn’t show it. And in that hostel, I met incredible people, but most importantly, I met myself.

I’ve always been a rather reserved person. But once you earn my trust, I can be very open, cheerful, and spontaneous.

Crossing the threshold of that hostel, I put on my best smile and simply decided to ignore that annoying little voice called insecurity. I actively chose to think positively, to say “Yes” more often, and to let my thoughts flow out of my mouth instead of keeping them trapped and locked away in my head. I simply decided. And it was as easy as it sounds.

Within those walls, I learned to recognize a part of myself that I had been ignoring for years, along with many important life lessons.

1. We are one ‘Hi’ away from meeting a good friend, the love of our lives, a person we will admire forever, or simply a fun night out.

   
   

We are all strangers to this world. For everyone, it’s the first time we’re living this life, and we all want to make the most of it in our own way. It’s incredible how we remain strangers until, simply, we decide not to be anymore. And as much as social anxiety can be destabilizing (and I know it well, we’re often best friends), it always warms my heart to know that the person next to me, the one I see in passing, or anyone around us can potentially be an important person in your life, or simply an admirer.

2. We will always be loved more than we can ever think of.

This is the saddest truth of life, but also extremely heartwarming. Have you ever stopped to think, “Wait a minute, am I… the worst human being ever?”

Well, I sure have! Plenty of times.

Not that I’ve ever particularly harmed anyone, mocked children in an orphanage, or done any other disturbing things a human being can do. I actually consider myself kind and generous, above average even. But sometimes, our inner voice just doesn’t care about how you made your colleague laugh this morning or helped the elderly lady across the street – no, no, let’s go back to when you said “good morning” in maybe too brusque a way to the cashier. Oh, that is some real “bad person” material.

The truth is that the human brain loves to focus on the negative: negative bias, to use the correct term. It’s the same principle why, out of a hundred positive reviews, we give more attention and importance to that one negative one.

It’s not our fault, we were born this way, but an important step to take is to acknowledge this negative bias and act upon it. Remind yourself of the great things you did or said every day. See the good in you. Because, believe it or not, we will always be loved and appreciated more than we could ever imagine.

A colleague at work might find your mere presence calming or reassuring. A stranger on the subway heard your laugh and found it sweet. A friend adores you and admires you more than you can believe. And a fellow traveler in the hostel still admires you from afar for all the beautiful memories you shared together.

3. Love at first sight is real.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m not just talking about romantic love. I’m also talking about platonic love.

I used to think that love at first sight was one of those little things invented by some director to make their movie more exciting, kind of like walking in slow motion while cars explode behind you in terrifying flames.

But no. Love exists. And in these fleeting moments in the hostel room, where so many tourists and explorers meet, coming from different backgrounds, different lives, different purposes, you realize just how close we all really are.

We all want just one thing: to be happy, to live this life. It doesn’t matter where you come from, who you are, what language you speak. For God’s sake, I don’t even need this hostel to be perfect, or for me to have hot water for a shower!

Because I see your face light up with a smile and your eyes shine, and together with mine, we’ll make sparks damn it!