I was a very cheerful little girl. To be honest, the most cheerful of all. I had a big heart, and the people around me always noticed it. I listened, obeyed, advised, and helped who couldn’t help themselves.
I was a smiling child, a bit over the top, and in my chest, I felt so much Joy that I didn’t know where to put it anymore.
Until.
Until, day after day, I didn’t feel as much of it anymore. In fact, it began to run low. As if my heart had a hole and was losing, drop by drop, my big enthusiasm. Like tiny drops of sun, they touched the ground, left a final sparkle, and faded away.
“I have a hole in my heart,” I confided to my mom one day.“If only you knew what that means,” she replied, without thinking too much, “what are you saying, anyway? You’re six years old.”
I watched her change the TV channel, searching for a glance from her that never came. I closed myself in the bathroom, and that evening I cried a lot. I promised myself to hide my feelings better in front of my mom, in front of anyone.
How can caregivers influence a child's worldview?
A child’s mind is like a sponge. It absorbs everything – others' energies, smiles, caresses, love, but also anger, disappointment, sadness, and rejection. All these experiences come together to shape the infant’s worldview. If during this delicate period, the caregiver reacts violently, unpredictably, unfairly, the child’s view of the world will change accordingly. "I’m not good enough," "Mom doesn’t love me," "I only mess things up," "I don’t know how they’ll react."
An absent or unpredictable parent will cause fear and uncertainty in the child. Unfortunately, timing is crucial when it comes to traumas. Traumas that occur in childhood have a greater impact than those that occur in adolescence or adulthood. This is because the brain of an infant or child is still seeking its balance and trying to make sense of life. And if the only consistent sense is "My dad scolds me, then hugs me" or "My mom keeps telling me I’m a mistake," it’s easy to see that the child will grow up with low self-esteem, a profound fear of the world and people, a sense of not belonging and confusion, and a strong need to please and satisfy the parent’s needs as much as possible in hopes of gaining a kind word or a caress (people-pleasing).
Needless to say, a parent’s kindness, tenderness, and love should not need to be begged for or earned. The very essence of a parent, their purpose, is to provide their child with all the possible love, the right rules, encouragement, and guidance. But unfortunately, this isn’t often the case.
Comments