Find out how your own brain is the key to Healing.
Trauma is more common than you think.
We’re accustomed to thinking that traumas, which are any negative events that affect our well-being, only happen in trenches, to orphans, or war veterans. But that’s not the case.
A study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has shown that one in five Americans has experienced childhood sexual abuse; one in four has been physically abused by a parent to the extent of visible injuries, and one in three couples is involved in physical violence. A quarter of us grew up with alcoholic parents, and one in eight has witnessed the beating or killing of their own mother.
Our brain possesses an extraordinary ability called neuroplasticity.
Neuroplasticity (n.): the ability of the nervous system to adapt its structure in response to a variety of internal or external factors and stimuli.
Essentially, our brain has had this superpower since birth (which, as we will see, can also backfire) to absorb anything, events, situations, gestures, that surround us.
So, if a newborn has been cared for in a peaceful environment, where “peaceful” means a home filled with affection, caresses, love, the child will grow up with a brain developed in a way that love, affection, and caresses become the standard.
A child raised in a nurturing environment is a child who has a worldview centered on happiness and love. “I can trust people, I am loved, I can express my thoughts.”
In this case, the neuroplasticity of their brain has had a very positive outcome — by internalizing love, it has given the child’s eyes a world filled with goodness and serenity.
However, that smaller portion of the population has experienced the darker side of neuroplasticity. They have internalized all the negativity that their family, loved ones, and the people around them have conveyed.
It means that the newborn or child grew up in negative environments filled with sadness, anger, chaos, where the caregiver reacted unpredictably or was absent.
What are the results that a toxic family environment causes in a child once they grow up?
First and foremost, the child will have a worldview centered on negativity and fear. They will be more inclined to have low self-esteem, difficulty expressing their feelings, and a general belief that the world is a hostile place.
They will be more inclined in adulthood to make poor, impulsive decisions or engage in self-sabotaging behaviors.
Especially in children raised in an environment of fear and violence, they can develop a dissociation attitude as a defense mechanism, meaning they escape into their own world with their imagination (or literally, disappear). This happens because if a parent or adult physically abuses or mistreats a child, the child’s brain understands that defending, fighting, or fleeing is futile because the adult is stronger, so by dissociating and disappearing, they will suffer less.
In general, they will be more inclined in adulthood to develop various forms of substance addiction (smoking, alcohol, drugs...) or risky behaviors (self-harm, gambling, compulsive shopping...).
To avoid conflict, young adults and adults who have experienced a traumatic past are inclined to go to great lengths to please others, saying and doing things to keep the person they are interacting with satisfied, even if it may not be what they truly want or think (people-pleasing).
All of these points are methods that the traumatized individual uses to find relief, to avoid pain, and to regulate themselves.
These regulation methods are indicative of an altered stress response.
What is the stress response system?
Our brains indeed have states of “calm” and “alert”. Within these two broad categories, we can place two extremes: “bliss” and “fear”, among with another minor declinations of the state.
A well-functioning stress response will have a “default” state of calm and only switch to an alert state in specific situations, such as during a crucial exam, while solving a math problem, or in cases of physical danger to one’s safety.
However, a malfunctioning stress response system will be constantly in an alert or cautious state, or even in a state of fear.
What does it cause, concretely, to live in a state of fear or alert?
While a state of calm leads to relaxation and allows our brain to access its full potential, the opposite occurs when entering an alert state.
The lower brain systems will dominate our functioning in this state, causing our problem-solving abilities to decrease. We may behave less maturely, say things we later regret, often taking words as personal attacks, and turning simple conversations into arguments.
Well, now you also know (or have confirmed) that you suffer from trauma. But can I heal?
The answer is yes. And you heal from trauma with the same currency that trapped you in the first place: neuroplasticity.
Indeed, the wonderful characteristic of our brain is that it remains plastic throughout life. Until a few years ago, it was believed that after the early years of life, we no longer had the ability to generate new neurons.
Researchers at the University of Illinois, however, have discovered that neurogenesis, the birth of new neurons, occurs even in advanced age, although to a lesser extent compared to a young brain.
What does it mean?
That means you still have the capacity within you to absorb, to internalize, the good. So, in the same way you have absorbed trauma and negative experiences, you can begin to willingly absorb positive experiences this time.
And this will gradually change your perspective on the world and on yourself.
Every day, consciously choose the people to surround yourself with, the activities to engage in, the TV programs to watch, the food to eat, and what to think about.
Cut off from your life negative people if needed. Move to another country. Quit your job if it makes you sad. And don’t overthink it. Because every decision you make that leads you to a happier version of yourself, is the right one.
And always choose the option that brings you the most good overall, more happiness, more serenity.
By training the brain to happiness, serenity, and carefreeness, one can overcome trauma.
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